


Broken is Better Than Shattered

by DreamersEclipse



Series: Kiss Me Kill Me [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, M/M, Relationship Problems, Verbal Fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:39:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4885762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamersEclipse/pseuds/DreamersEclipse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes living in constant conflict is the only way to avoid fatal injury.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken is Better Than Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betad. All mistakes are mine. Thanks for reading.

"Why do you always have to pick a fight with me?" Hawke asks with a hurt and broken expression. Anders' gut twists painfully and he knows deep down why and he just wishes so badly that Hawke would yell at him, curse him, beat him- anything but look at him like that. Anything but love him. He turns his head away from those imploring eyes that always seem to read him and touch him in ways no other ever has.

"Anders." Hawke pleads, stalking up right in front of him, "Just talk to me, please."

The apostate bites the inside of his cheek and tries to hold back the tears. He can't do this. He was never that strong. Not strong enough to stop himself falling for this wonderful, beautiful person and now he isn't strong enough to walk away or even offer his love the benefit of the doubt. And constantly being loved, forgiven, healed by Hawke hurt so much more. So he had to push the boundaries, disagree even when it didn't matter because he had to keep himself on edge. Make Hawke hate him so that when the time came it wouldn't shatter his heart because broken was better than shattered.

Broken was fixable. Broken was manageable.

"No, Hawke." He said and turned to leave the room, to run down to the clinic and ignore everything in his life besides healing the occupants of Darktown.

A hand grabbed his arm a little painfully and jerked him around to meet burning brown eyes full of hurt. "Don't run away from me, Anders. Just don't. That's all you do is run. I'm sick and tired of this endless back and forth. Either your running yourself into the ground, never telling me anything- making me worry out of my mind or you're here with me and we're fighting about the smallest of things." Hawke let go, eyes glossy with unshed tears. "I swear by the Maker sometimes…Sometimes I feel like you say things just to disagree with me. Can't you see, Anders." His cheeks were cupped in two warm affectionate hands and he could feel his own eyes watering, threatening to spill over. It felt like his heart was breaking. Always breaking, always breaking, always breaking.

Better than shattered.

"I love you." Hawke told him and Anders tried not to choke on a sob. "I want to fix things between us. But I can't do it all on my own. I need you to want to fix things too."

Why did he have to be so weak? Anders wondered of himself. Justice's voice echoed in his head, chastising him and reproaching him for all of this foolhardy. He was there in the corners of his mind telling him that this was foolish and stupid and Anders agreed with him. Agreed with all his heart but he was such a weak man and looking at Hawke he wondered if strength would be letting go or holding on.

"Anders?" Hawke pressed him, thumbs caressing the skin near his eyes.

Anders picked out the closest thing possible to warp into worded barbs and opened his mouth, "There's nothing to fix, Hawke, because it can't be fixed." He pulled away from the hold, ignored the pain that seeing that broken broken broken expression on Hawke's face brought forth and walked out. Because he was weak. Because he was broken. And broken was so much better than shattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Could it be" by Staind.


End file.
